so yeah... here i am doing nothing again after finishing one of the most annoying folio / report or what so ever they called that shit.

I'm currently being unproductive, slow and unhappy for unknown reasons. Happy? yes, i do have those moments..
Sad, been there too.. but not till to the verge of tears.. disappointed? Maybe but I'm not sure about the whole feeling.. Pissed off? I find myself having fumes coming from both of my ears and nostrils... Blur?

Blur...

yes, currently I'm having those occupying my soul. I find everything in a bland, black and white.. dull... boring.. whatever they say it.

My housemates says that I need a boyfriend but that's just too troublesome + I have to stay focus on my disarrayed path for my final year.. My final year... orz.. thinking about it.. I just realized I've wasted # years worth of my life here doing nothing but following the rules and being a good student getting all good marks and those fucked up shits that good students do.

God, I really do need to rebel...

I hate playing the role as the no nonsense child in the family.. cut me some slack! I've finally reached my 20s and I need a life to cope with the world outside! I want to have those sleepless nights where I can roam the streets with my friends, having a good time, doing nothing but talking and having fun! (well.. for starters that is)

Expectations after expectations... It's killing me with those same reminders you kept telling me.. " Make sure you get all straight A's"

I'm not a FUCKING ROBOT!

I can't manage myself to push through everything here! I felt so threatened with those words and it just fucking made my day more depressing than it should! Stop forcing me to get in line with those show off fuckers. It's my life that I'm fucking leading. Let me control what I want to do for fuck's sake!

And stop making things complicated. It's just fucking annoying and awkward to get these unnecessary attention. Leave me alone like how you did back then. forcing me to reply those unnecessary words is not going to change on how things are Leave it. I'm better off to be ignored or to be noticed. I've gotten used to keep everything to myself and solve things alone without your help. I'm USED to it ever since I stepped into high school, USED to be left alone in the reading room, USED to be left alone to find my way home without any directions, USED to get things done alone.

Just leave me alone..... but it doesn't mean that I'll love you all less.

I just need my own life, my own space to grow, y own space to explore what life is all about. I just some of these chains off from me. Let me have my own freedom and let me have my own way of thinking.

Stop using the same words the 'you're still young'. Cut the bull, Life doesn't wait.

Just.

Let.

Me.

Go.