Feb 23, 2010
Making this a promise

I'm worried about every single one of you..

no matter who you are and where you are from..

I feel obligated, to be there for you and at least to be able to hear your worries..

Yeah, I know I'm acting all motherly / like a big sister...

And sometimes, I can be a little pushy..

I'm sorry about that...

I just want to see a sincere smile from your soul..

not from an empty surface..

Ike at 2/23/2010

Feb 22, 2010
soundless voice kagamine len
On the night everywhere is dead silent
Snow falls down
On my palms I hold up
Snow falls and melts in a moment
What a transient life

Snow like a light piles up without a sound
You gather it and smile
"What does my voice sound like now?"
Even if I reply, you can't hear anything anymore

Tell me you feel painful, tell me you are lonely
I'll find you anywhere...
Please don't leave me alone, please, I beg you
Aren't we sharing one soul?
As snow piles up, you gradually wither
I can't do anything but hold you tight
If possible, just one more time, let me hear your voice
One more time, just one more time
Call out my name...

Your empty eyes are out of focus, I see one drop in them
In the gray world everything is motionless but the snow
You're getting cold, your voice is gone
We can't even melt each other as one
Listen to me, smile to me again
Having no more tears, I can't melt you with my tears...
If possible, take my voice away and give it to my precious one
If I'm to be left in the world without you
Let me wither with you

I love you, unable to tell you so
Our world is reaching its end
How hard I scream, neither your voice nor yourself will come back
Snow showers, I beg you please don't stop falling
And take me away with her
Let everything wither writh my miserable voice
Let it all white...

Ike at 2/22/2010

Feb 19, 2010
I'm sorry.

It's my fault..

Please don't hurt yourself..


Ike at 2/19/2010

Feb 17, 2010
I'm sorry..
I can't..
I was wrong..
and I'm scared...

I don't want you to fall again.

Ike at 2/17/2010

Feb 15, 2010
Unnamed Entry
Just be friends All we gotta do
Just be friends It's time to say goodbye
Just be friends All we gotta do
Just be friends Just be friends...

It came to mind in the early morning yesterday
As if I gathered broken pieces of glass

What the heck is this? Drips from my cut finger
Is this what we really hoped for?

I knew it at the bottom of my heart, the hardest choice would be the best
My self-love refuses it and repeats self-contradiction
When can I tell it to you?

In the slowly decaying world, I'm struggling but it's the only way
Carving your faded smiles, I pulled out the plug

I screamed with my hoarse voice, rebound and resonance echo in vain
Nothing is left at the end of the unchained me
Coincidences that sticked us degenerates into the dark and are broken in pieces
"No matter what we do, life is just like that" I mumbled
Somebody's tears flow down the dried cheeks

All we gotta do Just be friends
It's time to say goodbye Just be friends
All we gotta do Just be friends
Just be friends Just be friends...

Yesterday a tranquil night made me realize
It'd be useless to pick up fallen petals

Because it'd never bloom again
It's tiny but already dead on my palms
Our time stopped long ago

I remember the season we met first and your grace smile
Bringing up old issues, we hurt each other as badly as possible
Our minds are full of thorns

With this continuous dull relationship
Grievously I can't change my mind
I still love you, I don't wanna be apart from you, but I have to tell you

It's raining heavily in my mind, I'm stunned, I'm standing dead, my vision is blurry
Despite my determination, the pain is still penetrating
The bond between us has come apart and is dying away in everyday
Goodbye, my sweetheart, it's over
We have to leave without turning back

Just once, just once, if I could have my wish to come true
I'd be born again and again and go see you on those days

I screamed with my hoarse voice, rebound and resonance echo in vain
Nothing is left at the end of the unchained me
The bond between us has come apart and is dying away in everyday
Goodbye, my sweetheart, it's over
We have to leave without turning back

It's all over

Ike at 2/15/2010

Feb 13, 2010
Vday orz
Hepi Vday to those who are celebrating the special occasion. Orz.

>w<;;; ah I'm going back to KL by 3pm.. )=

It's a bummer like total bummer.. like.. orz...

i lost my atm card but thankfully no transaction made (called up the hotline).. so i guess i actually dropped it somewhere...


no, i haven't kiss her yet... i mean that special kiss.. >.>;;; orz...
I'm still to shy about it.

Ike at 2/13/2010

Feb 10, 2010
Weekend is coming!!!

I am so gonna have some fun before re-starting anew~

Going to a friend's farewell party~
Going to my <3's>w<
Most probably gonna do private / mini cosplay shoot
Most probably going to do half of the studio work done >w< by next week
and looking forward to the trip to Penang 8DDDD

Ike at 2/10/2010

Feb 8, 2010
thoughts and rants
lately I caught myself thinking to much to the point i think i might go cuukoo..

this semester might be the toughest for me since a few assholes decided to be a jerk and becomes everyone's living hell...
well.. i'm not worried much about my assignments cuz i can pull it through if i want to but the mood is not there... and i think i might quit if this feelings lingers....
Idk... I'm feeling way way too down during these two months... maybe because the fact that the heavy burden that I'm carrying a lot of responsibility as a daughter, a student and a sister... =(
and the fact that I'm graduating if i ever get through this shit...

honestly, i want to make a living before i continue to pursue degree... I just feel that i can't resume without a break...

at least..

in my opinion..
I would like to venture into another world where boundaries are set aside and no paper works to be done..
I want to be free
to be able to spread my wings and go to places i have never gone too..
i want to be happy.
i want to smile sincerely.
i want to be me.
not to be someone that heeds what others want me to be..

really.. I am going to put on halt on my studies,
maybe for a year, and work my ass off...
get a car maybe?
and from there go around to places, do odd jobs that i love, go for an outing with my love with my own money, and be happy for once.

I can't work my ass off like my genius siblings...
Azhar is in Cairo, doing biomedic. (This jerk is a fast learner.. no need to work his ass off to get awesome marks...)
Alan is probably going to break Azhar's record in SPM (fucking genius la this asshole)


-I'm just another odd rebel in the family, doing all the No-s in my dad's rule book..
-I take up arts and get involve in drama / theater.
-I get my ass into the world of cosplay (something my family couldn't understand)
-I find myself unable to get into an intellectual conversation every time my family are debating
-I'm being misunderstood as a stuck up brat that doesn't socialize and have a sharp tongue.
-I caught myself feeling envious to all my cousins that are being look up too.
-I caught myself being push away further behind if I ever try to socialize with my family.

I can't even compete for the number one spot in sibling rivalry..
I'd be left out.
left hanging, and waiting....
sometimes i just wish..
that i could pull through and shine within my small family.
to be seen as someone.
not as a misunderstood rebel.
I tried to speak up, but my thoughts are always drowned by their words.

I can't remember how many nights i caught myself crying about this silly thoughts,
but the truth hurts..
to not to be in favor..
to be push away and left hanging by their words..

and when they tried to mend things,
i find myself unable to accept it..
I'm so used to be left alone.
I'm so used to think be by myself and do the things im used to do alone..

) =

I'm getting too emotional..
I'm stopping here..

good morning and good night..

Ike at 2/08/2010

Feb 1, 2010
Matta Aitai
Time ticks life away,
but those times I deeply cherishes...

The short conservation we have,
The funny things we laugh,
The sorrows we cry
The secrets we share,

Time and place sets us apart,
From one end to another..

But still...

We're connected-
It's what you said,
and I came to realize,
We're like a brother and sister,

It's alright..
I'll wait..
We'll wait..
Matta aitai...

Ike at 2/01/2010


Welcome to Ay Ike Jay's blog..
Take a look around and don't forget to drop a line..



I don't give out my real name for some reasons..

You can call me Ay, Ikki, Ike or Jay...

A 1989 baby..

Loves the colour Red and Black

I love anything that is interesting to me.
My interest revolves mainly on art, music, dance and cosplay.

I am a proud fan of:-


February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
December 2010
September 2011
July 2012




Special Friends

Ryuugaki Noboru's

Special People

Belle Baby
Mieko <3
My Queen
My Terror-ific Uke, Honey
The Prince of Darkness, Xajin
Mr. I'm High on Sugar, Wen
The Reno
Silly Taka-Taki
The Cute Lil' Thing called Amal

School Friends

Miss Imah
Cuppy Cakers, Aaron
Miss Fardiana
The Pingu
Miss Leyla
Miss K-ly~~

College Friends



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